The Two Left Wellies

Merlin stopped.  He turned slowly (luckily there was a big enough gap between him and the charging Spartanites).
“STOP THERE” He commanded.
Aragog stopped in front of Merlin.
The Spartanites also stopped – their swords glinting in the sun.  The arrows stopped mid flight, then fell to the ground.

Bernice, Albert, Rashmir, Arthur and the hooded figure slowed and stopped.  They then turned.
Merlin was nose to nose with Aragog.

“Look at your comrades” said Merlin.  He pointed at the column of water, still swirling and bulging.  “You kill us, you will never rescue your comrades.  they will be trapped in the column of water until the Ices of Hades descend once more and cover this kingdom and freeze that water to slow it.  If you have a problem, I have found that killing people is not the solution; talking first is always a positive step.”

Aragog’s nostrils flared. “You are with him… and him.” Aragog waived at Arthur and the hooded man “They are enemies of Aragog.  They did not talk.  They stole the very precious things from me.  They killed my family. You say talk, but your friends don’t do that.”
Merlin turned to the two men “Is this true?”.  They both noded slowly.

Merlin turned back to Aragog.  “Aragog.  I cannot allow you to exact revenge on these two men… at this time.  I cannot allow you to mindlessly kill others… at this time.   We must proceed in proper fashion.  Under the rules from the Grey Book of Henthras we will hold court.” 
Aragog nodded and Merlin raised his hands.  Suddenly great columns of sandstone rose from the ground, joining up in arches  twenty feet in the air.  The grass and ground shook as within the columns sandstone benches and tables forced themselves through the earth.  Arthur and the hooded man found themselves standing in their own docks – Bernice, Albert, Rashmir felt themselves move to seats to one side of the circular stone court that had appeared.  to the other side, Aragog sat on a wide slab of sandstone, his warriors on tiered  benches.  Merlin rose on a sandstone column, about 2metres square.
“I, Merlin, Guardian of time and order, Keeper of the mysteries of this land, will preside over this court.  I will follow the rules written down by Centra into the Grey Book of Henthras which have been used since trees first appeared on this earth.  Justice and revenge will be passed down on this day.  Any disagreement on the sentence that I pass will meet with swift and just result. Aragog – please tell me your claim upon these two men.”

Aragog rose.  He explained that his family of three dragons had lived in peace on the lands to the West.  The land was peaceful with man existing with dragon for many centuries.  He explained that over the years, new men had arrived from other shores and had wanted to take over more of the Dragon Lands – forcing the dragons to occupy smaller and smaller lands.  Finally Aragog said, there just wasn’t enough space to live and hunt as they had before – so they started to push back.  The men had become angry and had killed the smallest of the family – the head being displayed on the castle wall.
“Those men had no reason to taunt us like that” said Aragog.  His wife had exacted revenge on the men that had killed her son, silently flying over the town and identifying the huts that the men had lived in.  She then flew in low and with strong claw had destroyed those houses.  Aragog was quick to say that no man had been harmed by his wife… except the old washerman who had seen the dragon fly in.  He was so frightened that his heart had given out.  This was the signal the men had used to kill his wife.  “THAT MAN” said Aragog, pointing at Arthur “That man had dealt the fatal blow.”

Aragog then went onto explain that in wrath and fury he had then exacted a full and comprehensive revenge.  His wife and child were both now dead – so he killed every man in that village.  Once the bodies had lain there the crows and ravens picked the bones clean.  Aragog said that he had then cleared a space in the centre of the town and had not moved from that spot for sixty years “Until he arrived” -pointing at the hooded man.  The hooded man had come across an empty town, and had moved from building to building, stealing what he could find – until he had arrived at the centre of the town.  By that point Aragog explained, he had started to find different spaces in the town to rest – and had decided to sleep in front of the Great Hall.  Aragog said that he had heard some movement and had opened an eye – but quickly shut it as an arrow struck the eyelid “Luckily dragons scales can withstand arrows”.  However, the hooded man then attempted to stick his sword into him.
“At that point I’d had enough.  I raised myself and roared.  This man ran off – and I chased him.  I just caught up with him here and now… and I coul only presume that he was with him – and that they had come back to finish the job”

Arthur stood up – but Merlin waved him down.  “You will have your turn” said Merlin. Merlin turned back to Aragog. “Aragog, from what you have told me and what I know already would seem to indicate that these are two separate incidents.  However, I promised I would be fair and just.  The story you have told requires me to hear from these two fellows – and then I will give my decision.  You -” said Merlin to the hooded figure “yours seems to be the more recent tale, so I will hear you first.  So I can pass proper judgement, you need to give me your name and your story”.

The hooded figure rose and drew back his hood…

[Note to Scouts wanting to join in on the thread, but aren't sure what to write:

At this point, imaging the Great Hall, one of the Spartanite soldiers, brought forward by Aragog. Sandstone columns and other warriors are all around you.  In front of you a court is being held - a strange court which seemed to be created from nothing.  The judge is a man of obvious power - although in Jeans and T-shirt it does seem a little at odds with that.

So, you're sitting and waiting.  What are you thinking about?  What's your tale? How did you become a warrior? Do you have a family?  Just remember, you need to start the first word with the letter "M"]

“Look at you!” said Albert “Merlin, come off it – pointed hat? Glasses? Are you off to a fancy dress party?!”

Merlin laughed hard and heartily, and with a small bow he changed before everyone’s eyes, appearing as an old, wizened man, with a long beard and long ponytail, black jeans and black cowboy boots.  His “Wizzard Tour T-shirt” was covered in a black leather waistcoat. “that’s better” said Merlin. “I always like to initially appear like that – it’s sort of expected I guess.  So, how’s my favourite student doing these days?”

“I’m fine thanks” chorused Arthur and Albert together.

“Okay – to business.” Said Merlin. “I can’t just drain the kingdom – my personal oath is ‘And if it Harms None, do what you will’.  If I was to drain the kingdom I would most surely kill the Spartanites and the Aquanauts – and it could also seriously harm the Elves that have been changed. What we could do though….”

The next morning, a small group gathered by the side of the lake.  Merlin tapped the water with his Ash stave causing a blue glow at the end of the stick.  Shortly the Spartanite and Aquanuat kings stood by the water. The saw Albert and their eyes glowed with hatred.  They frowned at the Kalphite Queen.  Their eyes softened slightly at seeing Bernice and they were a bit bemused at the large blue man standing behind them all.

“And how can we help you?” asked the Spartanite.
“Well” said Merlin, “I’d quite like you to go away.  Would you mind?”
“Hmm – well, we’d love to, but I’ve got a spa treatment booked for early next week.  Would you mind coming back in about, well, never?” And the Spartanite and Aquanauts laughed.  Merlin laughed too – then his face drew to a serious look, his eyes boring into the Spartanites head.

“I need to you to say that you would kill the Elves if we attempted to remove you forcefully.”
“Now, why would I say that, oh great Merlin?  We all know about your oath. So no – we won’t kill them.  You will kill them. They need the water to breath now. So we’re sort of staying… and there’s nothing you can do about it. Nerr”

“No one says nerr to Merlin” Said Arthur… then realised how very silly that sounded.  At the top of a nearby hill, a small man on a donkey appeared.

“Okay” said Merlin “I can’t kill you.  I would however suggest that you pack whatever personal belongings you have – you will be leaving by the end of the day.  Toodle pip”.  With that, Merlin turned. He saw the small man at the top of the hill, and with his fingers made a small flicking action.  The man on the hill suddenly fell of the donkey.  They all heard the swearing.
“Just in case you thought my powers were all bluff.  Pack. Now. You have until 3pm.”  And Merlin and the small gang walked off.
The time passed slowly.  Arthur, Albert and Merlin swapped tales about the old days.  Bernice and Rishma (the Kalplhite Queen) talked about attack tactics for the modern woman.
At the stroke of 3pm, Merlin stood up.  He picked up a cup and filled it with water.  He raised the glass to the East, the South, the West and the North. Placing it carefully on the ground, he made a circle with the Ash stick. He then carefully laid the stick in the ground and saying a few careful words raised the cup once more.  From his waistcoat he pulled a small wand – a stick of Oak with a purple crystal in the end.  Dipping the crystal into the water he started to stir – all the while staring at the Elfin Kingdom.

All the others looked – the waters started to move, slowly at first then faster, drawing up into the air, like a tornado.  Soon, a column of swirling water stood in the centre of the kingdom.  Merlin drew the wand out from his cup – the water standing in the same column in the cup – and carefully put the wand away.
“Pass me the Clover Stone Albert” said Merlin – and Albert hurriedly dug it out and gave it to him.
“Hold the cup carefully – don’t spill any of it”.  Bernice carefully took the cup.
Merlin put the clover stone on the ground, and with a carefully aimed boot, broke it into several pieces.
Everyone gasped – luckily Bernice remembered her task, and shook the water, but didn’t spill it.
Merlin bent down and picked up a small black crystal, released from the stone.  He then took back the cup from Bernice.  Holding the stone over the water, he let go – and the crystal was sucked straight in.

The next thing that the group noticed was that the tall column of water started to sway and bulge….

Knee deep in mud, Albert was not as pleased as he had been to see Ivor.

“Oh, watch out, it’s a little muddy round here” said Ivor.

“Hmm.” replied Albert. “So, then, what’s all this?”

“Oh, we’re just waiting for the return of the Mud People, and we can then go to lunch!”

“The Mud People?” asked Albert.  “Yes – look!” said Ivor. 

Just then, three brown creatures appeared from behind the bush, talking animatedly about something.  They looked human, but there was no skin, just a wet, brown covering.

“Are they Spartanite, Aquanaut – or just another cross-species?” asked Albert

“Well, I’ve had my doubts about them” smiled Ivor “but I suspect their parents will be the Cross Species – especially when that load of clothing wrecks the washing machines!  You guys – where have you been?”

“We’ve been on the mud slide” grinned one of the Mud People. “You really should give it a go!”

“Come on” said Ivor, “Lunch!”“Yay!” exclaimed the Mud People.“Do you want to come as well Albert? I’ve got a spare ticket”

“Oh, yes please – I haven’t eaten anything proper in ages” said Albert. Soon Albert had been introduced properly to the Mud People – and to some of the others – and had eaten well.  The Scouts quickly finished their meals and after asking, disappeared off back into the woods.  Albert thanked Ivor for his hospitality – and left Ivor with some others to plan their next adventure.

Walking back across the fields, Ivor noticed where the Mud People were congregating.“That looks like fun” thought Albert, “I’m sure they won’t mind if I have a go”. Starting at the top of the hill, Albert took a proper run at the top of the slope, and lept forward.  His body hit the wet mud and he started to slide faster and faster, past all the Mud People who were cheering and clapping.  Ahead, he could see a small bump, where the others had stopped, so he braced himself ready to come to a stop… but no! He had gathered so much speed that the bump launched him high up into the air – he could feel his legs starting to flip over his head – but then he started to head downwards – towards a large rabbit hole!

He shot into the hole – but rather than stop he continued to slide down, down and round, round.  This was a slide like no other – nothing to hang onto, nothing to stop the slide.  With the mud still on his body, he just travelled faster and faster… until he saw a light up ahead and within a couple of seconds he shot through the hole and out into a lush green fern bush, which neatly caught him and stopped the slide. 

Looking up, he could feel a warm sun beating down on him.  Looking round, apart from the green bush behind him, there was nothing really around that looked like anywhere he had been before.  It certainly wasn’t the Kalphite or Elfin Kingdom – this was much drier, rockier, and more baren than anywhere else he had known.

“I don’t think I’ll be getting home today” thought Albert. 

Just then a large Albatross swooped over Albert.  “You need to head from here” said the Albatross. “Where?” said Albert.  “This way” said the Albatross – and turned towards the sun. “You need to get to shelter quickly before the sun really starts to get warm”.  Albert set off, following the Albatross towards the sun…

(continued from the comments in the last section) 

Just then a large object obscured the sky.  It seemed to wobble a bit, before making great sweeps across the landscape. 

“It’s the lawyers – editing the story!” they all cried and all started to run around.  Then they heard a whistle – and a small man in a grey suit appeared, riding on the back of a Llama.

“Who are you” said Albert.

“Ivor Problem” said the man in the grey suit.

“You certainly have” laughed Albert “everyone knows that the Llama gives the most uncomfortable ride.  Don’t worry, I’ve got some cream in my bag”

“No – my name is Ivor Problem.  I am the Story Auditor.  I have noticed that this story has started to get – well, silly and has started to introduce very silly characters into what could be quite an interesting story.  Okay, it isn’t that good, but then you just need to look at the writers….”

“Okay” said Albert “what’s going to happen?”

“Well” replied Ivor “Above your head is a giant eraser.  Any character in the story that is silly, or just not supposed to be there will be erased. And that includes YOU” he said, pointing at Arnold Schwarzenegger.

“I’ll be back” said Arnold, and walked off again.

“Okay – but who stays and who goes?” said the Kalphite Queen, subtly rubbing her hips on the eraser to make herself just a little thinner.

“Well, I have developed a solution for that” said Ivor.  “You need to show me how to tie a Friendship knot – and six other knots – and you can stay”

“But I can’t tie knots” said one of the Kalphite Warriors. 

“Goofy (quack), you can (quack) tie knots – show him” Said Donald.  Goofy stepped up.  Three knots down – and then disaster.

“This isn’t a Round Turn and two half hitches – this is a thumbknot; You’re out” and with a single sweep, Goofy was reduced to a small black trace of rubber.  Donald looked confused, then fell over. “You’ve rubbed out my feet!” he cried.

“Quick” said Arthur “get rid of him so he can’t complain…” and WHOOSH!  Donald disappeared too.

Bugs Bunny produced a large plastic bag.  He ripped open the top to reveal a Supersized ACME black hole – and with a small bound lept through “You won’t get me!!” he cried.  The other cartoon characters then jumped after him.  Porky pig walked to the edge and lowered himself in.  As he disappeared, he called out “            T-T-T-T-That’s all folks!”

Ivor then walked up to the hole, and with the giant eraser wiped it off.

“Right that’s that” he said. “If the story goes like this again, I will be back…..”

“Oi! That’s my line!” shouted Arnold Scwarzenegger

“… with some really difficult challenges – like getting across a huge canyon, with only a kipper”

“Have you thought of joining the Scouts?” Asked Albert.

“My Scout leader was like that” said Ivor.  “I sometimes wonder why I am the way I am”.  And with that he swung his leg over his Llama.

“Oh Albert – if you have that cream now….”

The Kalphite Queen turned back to her army.  “So you’re on their side now then?”

Arthur stepped forward. 

“Look your majesty, I guess it’s like this.  Your men will follow you anywhere – except to kill me. So how about a compromise.  Why don’t you work with us – once the Elfin Kingdom is returned I Arthur, ruler of Great Lands will ensure that you and your people are properly protected.”

“Oh, go on then” said the Queen.

“Great” said Albert “Let’s go an drain the kingdom – before the Spartanites get to hear about this…..

Dragon

Cold red diamond scales,
Claws harder than chain mail.
Jaws filled with iron teeth ,
With the smell of burnt meat.
Humungous bat like wings,
Eyes like ruby rings .
A triangular tail as sharp as a sword,
Sitting on its golden horde.
Lying, waiting in its rocky cell,
Is a giant monster from hell!

 by Joel Kelly.